On Losing the Paleo Challenge and Setting New Goals

First of all, its my own damn fault I lost the Paleo Challenge.  The last week before the final measurements, I ate everything that could not get away. In fact, I was eyeing my 7 year olds rabbit, Snowball, before it was all over. Okay, not really, I love that rabbit as much as she does, but Sally the cat is a different story.

Also, at my friends Super Bowl Party I drank an entire bottle of Raspberry Wine and ate a bunch of junk to go with it. I brought PaleOMG’s Bacon Meatballs with Mango Sauce. I switched pineapple out for mango because I didn’t have any mango. The sauce was meh. The meatballs were slightly better than meh. They ate all of them. Honestly, it wasn’t up to my standards though. This is the second recipe I’ve made from that blog and went meh. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I am just impossible to please. I think I just heard my husband say amen.

I have been crossfitting like crazy lately and really sucking at it. Yay me! On Monday, we did push press, and I tried to do 55 and ended up having to deload the bar to 45. Grrr. And then yesterday, I went in a two person heat, head to head with a lady that has to be in her sixties. Technically, I beat her by about 50 seconds, but if I’m being honest, she actually did the knees to elbows. I did leg raises. She wins in my book. It was Dirty 30, I think.

Anyway, I think I am stinking it up at Crossfit because I am so fat. Which brings me back to my total failure at the Paleo Challenge,  I lost 3mm off my stomach measurement and nothing off my arm. I haven’t officially lost yet. But from my coach’s  response, I think it is a pretty sure thing that I’m unofficially a loser.

I have lots of new goals though. I love to set goals, which is weird because I certainly suck at following through with them. Of course, I could make you wait to find out my goals and if I was a good blogger I’m sure that is what I would do. But I’m not. And if you are nice enough to read this, I certainly don’t think I should deliberately hold back. I mean my life is not that exciting people. So here goes nothing…

40 Days of Deadlifts

I plan on doing deadlifts for the next 40 days. In fact, I’m already on day 4.

Now before someone comes on here and tells me I am killing myself or my back, let me tell you the weight I’ve been using. 65# See everything is going to be okay.

40 Days of Deadlifts Plan

Walk 2 Miles on Treadmill (super easy pace-I’ve been doing 3.1 miles per hour)
2 sets of 5 reps each of Deadlift at 65#
2 sets of 5 reps each of Push Press at 35#

I was inspired by Easy Strength (here’s another) by Dan John and Power to the People by Pavel. The pdf of this book is online if you want to read it. Don’t ask me why and I’m not linking to it.

This is my own version of both programs. Basically, I am trying to develop some mental toughness and get stronger. But, in all honesty, I am way more concerned with my mental toughness and lack thereof.

I Think I Have (Mild) Rhabdo and Why I Should Never Be Allowed to Make Adult Decisions

I think I have (very mild) Rhabdo. There I said it. It’s out there for the entire world to see. And I am totally pissed about it.

Last Wednesday, I did Mary. And I thought I did okay. My arms were really sore and I probably “Caught the Negative” more than I should have. But I felt okay. And then this Saturday, I did Lesson 2 from the NorCal On-Ramp Program, which was 10 Minute Amrap of 10 Med Ball Deadlifts (20#) and 10 Push Press with the freaking PVC. SERIOUSLY!!!!!! And I got 13 rounds + 11. I love that we are doing NorCal’s program, and I do not want to miss a single class.

Today is Monday, and my freaking left arm is literally swelling before my eyes. Delayed onset Rhabdo? I mean it has been 5 days since I did Mary and my arm is just starting to swell. What the hell?!?  All I lifted was a freaking piece of PVC! Oh I am so mad!

So I am treating this allegedly mild rhabdo or really bad DOMS at home. My pee is clear, if I had dark urine I would be at the ER now. Or tingling fingers.  No worries. My treatment is sitting on my ass and resting my arm. I am drinking lots of water too. And taking random painkillers that I find laying around the house. I’m not in a lot of pain though. I read somewhere today not to foam roll or massage the sore arm, which I already did, and I think that may be the cause of the swelling. So basically, I definitely should not have done that.

All I did Saturday was lift PVC. I still cannot get over this part. Grrrr!

Now, my best friend has advised me that I am a crazy woman when I get to Crossfit and that I go insane and act just like my dad.  She says she is going to stand beside me and hit me with a piece of PVC whenever I go into beast mode. But I really wanted to beat the 16 year of girl beside me on Saturday. I didn’t, she got 15. And I bet her young arm is not swelling like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka, like mine. This same friend also reminded me of all the times she has saved my ass in the past. Like when she told me NOT to ride with my drag racing boyfriend (at the time.) And other things that can’t be mentioned on this blog.

If I ever make it back to Crossfit, I am going to listen to her because obviously I lack any self-control when it comes to winning. I need a Crossfit legal guardian.

And don’t even ask me about the Paleo Challenge. It is going like crap because I am also medicating my arm with Doritos. I hate to be the one to break this to you but Doritos are not Paleo. Sorry. The cure for Rhabdo=Doritos. It is in my mind, anyway.

Hope your Monday is going better than mine.

The Scale is Not Moving and a Fantastic Calorie Calculator

Calorie Calculator

I love this calculator! And I keep going back to gokaleo and searching for it, so I thought I would share it with everyone. 

The reason I am looking at calorie calculators  in the first place is I am totally stalled out on my weight loss at 1400 calories a day. My husband says I look smaller and am just gaining muscle from crossfit. I hope he is right because I am not sure at all. In fact, since the scale has not budged in a week, I got discouraged and ate a bunch of junk at my mom’s house today. It started with chicken tenders and mac and cheese, need I say more? What a bad paleo day. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day. Enjoy the calculator. By the way, it says I should lose weight on 1400 a day. I guess I will hang with that number for a while longer. 

Rx’d My First WOD, I Don’t Want to Cook, And Weird Things I Put In My Body

I made this.  And I am a dork. But you knew that anyway.

I made this. And I am a dork. But you knew that anyway.

You go Crossfit. You are making me a bad ass, because my arms hurt so bad right now I can barely type. But who needs to brush their teeth, wash their hair, or feed themselves anyway? That stuff is for wusses. Okay, enough about how totally tough I am.

I Rx’d my first Wod!!!

This was really exciting for me. Cause this old lady has never Rx’d a wod, evah. There is always something that trips me up. Like pull-ups, anyone? But I finally got where I can do push-ups, so when I saw this sucker, I was all over it.

Monday, January 13

4 Rounds for Time
20 Push-ups
30 Sit-ups
40 Squats

37:?? (I can’t remember, and by the end I couldn’t count to 10 either.)

I was the slowest in the entire gym by about 4:00, on the Rx’d side and the Modified side. But you know what? I’ll take it. It may be a looong while until there are things I can do on the board again.

Wednesday, January 15th

Mary

20 min AMRAP
5 HSPU (I did some downward dog push-ups, and they sucked.)
10 Pistols (Do we even need to talk about these? Let’s just leave it as they were very scaled)
15 Pull-ups (green band)

6 rounds+6

I stunk on this one. Everything was majorly scaled, and I made an ass out of myself. I really wanted to use the pull-up band. So I did, but it was a major mistake because their bands are much weaker than what I was used to at my old gym. I made it about 8 reps and then was basically done. I’m not sure you could call the flopping I did while hanging on the bar…reps. Enough of that crap, it is depressing me.

On another note, the more time I spend working out, the less I feel like cooking. Could it be my arms are too sore to stir the pot? Therefore, my paleo meals have been kinda bad. I have been eating a lot of John Soule’s chicken (this has soy and milk)  and Sadler’s Brisket. Ummm, FYI, these were not locally sourced from free range animals fed only on rainwater and rainbows. Sorry. I’m going to go ahead and let you down now, because I am guaranteed to in the future anyway. Also, sometimes, I get tired hearing about that crap in paleo bloggy land. Sorry, again. But I feel like those convenience foods are two reasonable choice for people who are too lazy to kill their own chickens in their backyard. Like me.

As for the weird things I put in my body, no, this is not that kind of blog. I have a mini review. I bought, with my own money, Seeking Health’s Probiota Immune.  I bought mine from Amazon. I took it for about six weeks straight, took a month off and recently just started it again. And honestly, I think this stuff really works. I have not been sick all winter. Knocks on wood. And usually, my little urchins children, bring in all kinds of weird stuff in to me. Be warned though, this stuff tastes like you are drinking water from a old boot. I kinda like it though, but I have issues. Also, here is some motherly advice…don’t take this on a first date, because it can have some surprising gastrointestinal effects, if you catch my drift.

If you want to know why this stuff works, it has beta glucans and galactooligosaccharides in it. Yay! There is lots of info on them, but those links should help you get started. I have a basic understanding of it, but honestly, it is beyond the scope of this blog and this brain.  

Insomnia and Crossfit, Fran Cough, and Other Randomness

Does Crossfit jack with your sleep?

I’m starting to think it does mine. I haven’t had a good nights sleep since I went back to Crossfit. And I didn’t even workout tonight. What is up with that? So now I’m stuck watching Yuna on Jimmy Kimmel and blogging. I kinda like not sleeping though. I’m naturally nocturnal, but staying up all night is definitely not paleo. I guess? Not sure that we actually know that though. Whatever.

I WODed (is that a word?) Tuesday, Jan. 7th. And I freaking killed it. Not really, but I went hard.

10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1

Burpee Box Ups (Coach only let me use 10# and 16″ box)
20 DU or 40 SU

Time: 16:40 Now is the moment where you realize how badly I suck at Crossfit.

Okay, I maybe I killed it  (in my mind) because it was so light. I have done step-ups before with two 18# kettlebells. But she was like nope, no way,  you are using 5’s in each hand. And dang, she was so right, because both my butt cheeks are sore today. However, the right cheek is a wee bit sorer than the left because I kept starting with it, plus I would throw in an extra right every now and then. Coach J said I would end up with Popeye Ass. I’m not sure what that is, but it has got to be better than the butt I’ve got now.

Not only did I kill that WOD, but possibly killed myself doing it because my chest hurts. That is part of the reason I am blogging so late at night because I am wheezing and coughing. And I’m pretty sure I’m not sick, which is making me anxious. Ever since I finished that WOD I have been coughing. Maybe it is Fran cough? Or Exercise Induced Asthma? Or God Forbid! Exercise Induced Pulmonary Edema? But scientists aren’t even sure that it really exists, so here’s to hoping that it doesn’t.

I read on Dr. Wikipedia that Vitamin C helps treat Exercise Induced Asthma and I never get enough according to My Fitness PalIf you don’t have My Fitness Pal go get it now. It is awesome. So when I took my tablespoon of honey to help me sleep, (explanation here) I mixed in a 1/4t of Vitamin C in with it. This is what I used. And wow, was that crap ever good! It was like a sweet tart gritty candy. I may start mixing Vitamin C and honey every night. I am a genius.

Of course, there is the possibility that it really tastes like crap, and I have been eating so clean on my gym’s Paleo Challenge (My plan for winning it is here.) that everything sweet tastes like heaven.  I have not cheated for an entire week and am down 5 pounds as of this morning. I have been eating a ton of sweet potatoes at dinner to stay out of ketosis. I am perfecting my method of roasting them and when I get a good technique I’ll share it with you.

Finally, I know I said in this post, Nom Nom Paleo’s Pickled Carrots were too sweet but after forgetting about them for a week, I take it all back. Those suckers are delicious. I ate some in my tuna and egg salad today. Sorry Nom Nom, you’re the bomb. And her boiled egg method produced the best boiled eggs ever. I can’t believe I ever doubted her.

Now to go get my nightly two and a half hours of sleep. Yay!

 

 

Strategies For Winning the Paleo Challenge

I really, really want to win the Paleo Challenge at the Mystery Box. I love Paleo. I am a Paleo groupie. I must win this!!!! So I have been thinking of ways to better my chances at taking home the prize money on Feb. 3.

So here goes:

1. I am going to eat super clean paleo. duh.
2. I am going to get at least 130 grams of protein a day. This is tough, but my understanding is that I need 1 gram of protein for every pound of my goal weight.
3. I am going to eat around a 100 grams of carbs every day mainly at dinner. It should be enough to keep me out of ketosis and keep me from bonking at Crossfit. See Kiefer and Carb Backloading (this describes how to do it, I didn’t read the whole thing) if you want to know why at night.
4. I am going to drink whey protein which is not paleo. I use Stronger Faster Healthier because I can’t seem to get that much protein in any other way.
5. I am limiting my calories to 1400 a day. I could go to 1200 but last time I did that my hair all fell out. I like having hair, thank you very much.
6. I’m going to Crossfit 3x a week. If my decrepit old body will hold up.
7. The last week I am going to go into ketosis and try to drop that last bit of water weight.

Last step-I buy myself a sweet pair of Reebok’s Nano 3.0 with my prize money. I’m thinking the pink and red to go with my unicorn socks. Or maybe the orange and black.

And yes, I did go to Crossfit tonight. It was Kelly. Kelly looked hard, and I spent the ENTIRE day thinking should I go or not. Should I stay or should I go now, if I go there will be trouble. Nevermind, had to sing a little tune. And there were many texts back and forth, yes, no, maybe, why????Aaargh. Until I decide to just go…and the coach modified it for all us newbs anyway. All my fears were for nothing. Maybe I burnt some calories worrying about it?

Kelly

5 rounds for time (I only did 3)

400 m run
30 box jumps (only did 15 box step ups-this was wussy, I should have jumped)
30 wall balls (used an 8 pound ball, that is just sad, but I am trying really hard to not hurt myself)

I finished in 16:??. I can’t remember, but I can’t exactly say I’m super proud of this workout. One more week of on-ramp and then I’m hitting it hard. If I can stand to wait that long.

Also, I made Roasted Pork Loin from Leite’s Culinaria. YOU MUST MAKE THIS! It is delicious, lean, and super simple. And completely Paleo. I didn’t tie it up and I bought the cheap Tyson boneless loin from Wal-Mart. It was fantastic. It fits every qualification I have for a recipe I will keep. Try it, you will not be sorry.

pork-loin-roast

All My Common Sense Flies Out The Window When It’s Time To Crossfit

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I finally understand why I had a problem with Crossfit the first time around. And the problem is me! Also known as, my total and complete lack of any self-control when it comes to anything Crossfit. I even ordered some socks with unicorns with rainbows coming out their butts to wear. They inspired me. 

The closest Crossfit Box had a New Year’s Eve Special so freaking awesome that I hate to even type out what I paid…for fear that everyone will flock to it, and it will be standing room only.  But I will anyway-$120.00 for unlimited classes for 4 months!!!! Crazy cheap! I know…I used to pay that for one month. I may give this gym a shout out, but I really don’t let anyone I actually know read my blog except for a select few. And if  I do, people will find me on Google because the box doesn’t even have a web page.  Oh well.

So 5 minutes after reading about the most awesome special EVAH on Facebook, I texted my best friend and said, “We are so doing this.” Then I sped down there and signed up both up on December 31st.

Jan 1st, we did the Newb Wod. 

15 minute AMRAP

5 Push-ups
10 Sit-ups
15 Squats

And I was determined to be reasonable. In my mind 5 rounds was reasonable, and I did 4+8SU.

I was within my goal. I set the bar so low, mainly because I am so scared of Rhabdo and people who have worked out before are at a greater risk. That’s not fair. And my legs are sore!

The part that is insane is that I went back tonight.  In my own defense, I really went to have my huge fat gut measured. Good times people! The Mystery Box (that is what I’m calling it) is having a Whole30 ChallengeI know I said I was not doing one, but I gotta take those people’s money. I must win at all costs. Just kidding. Sort of. It costs 10 bucks to buy in. So I went with every intention of not doing the freaking WOD. I was just going to waltz in there sign up for the challenge and get the hell out. Honestly. I even said, “I’m just here to sign up.” And my kick ass coach was like, “Okay, I’m not gonna make you.”  Cool.

And then I did it anyway…

21-15-9
push press (I did 35# bar)
knees to elbows (I seriously just hung there and kinda twitched, that’s how I do K2E)

You might want to cover your eyes…Time: 6:38 I suck.

I had promised myself over and over again that I was only going to go 2x a week to start. Well, I am already talking about going Friday and Saturday.

I can’t help myself, and that could be why I end up on the Old Lady Injured List so often.

Screw it, I’m going for it, and I’m going to kick some Paleo ass on the Whole30 too.

Tomorrow, I going to talk strategy for winning the Paleo Challenge. Let me know in the comments if you have any tips. Believe me, I need them. It’s Jan 3-Feb 3.

I talked about it here.